Places

 I was rushing and struggling to break out into the world, Struggling to bloom open. But now, Before I bloom, Let me be able to hold myself gently, As a bud will hold its petals, The beautiful, unrushed fragility and compassion for oneself. Let me be able to no longer chase and struggle, relationships and dreams. Let me be able to rest and hold myself gently, As a bud will hold its petals. Let things come to me.

 Why securely attached? For the avoidant attached doesn't know what they take And the anxiously attached doesn't know what they get.

 There will always be something else between you and me Work, Family, Your health, Mental state, Finances, Studies, Sister, Dog, a new friend, an interesting person, another priority, that's not me Not us. I will always get something, Never fulfilled. It's always your show, your day, your struggles, your life. If your life always takes you away, And you never run towards me, If I am the only one who always waits back home, it's no home. It's time for me to leave(live) And catch up with my life. No, I don't feel sorry for you. Things always ended when I reached the breaking point, Never the other way around. The loss was always mine, throughout the length of this friendship. Will you ever own up to your mistakes, walk your talk? And if I stop making all the initiatives, will us survive, or fade away into oblivion?

Sitting with rejection is a bitter medicine. Hard to swallow, hard to sit with. Yet, it's the best one, to help break oneself out of people pleasing. It's a medicine for us,  people who are trying to unlearn people pleasing. Some time ago in the past When I was rejected,  I never sat with it. I tried to please people, to make them happy, to serve them, what they exactly needed, resources, reassurance, help, therapy, information, advice, right questions, answers, suggestions, space, to feel their emotions for them So, they would accommodate me. Now, it feels bitter  So bitter that it makes me anxious, to be rejected. It's so hard to let people be themselves,  when that self of them doesn't want me in their life, as a reciprocal relationship, as a person with needs. I know, I had stopped people-pleasing, aint good for the soul. It means, to sit with rejection. To let people be people as they are, towards me too. How hard, how bitter Rejection feels, to be excluded. Esp...

 Sometimes you need someone  to be angry for you, to wreak havoc for you, and still, be compassionate towards the one she is fighting against. To carry you gently through the storm. Lighting a lamp inside you,  and always keeping it lit. The sacred anger.

 I feel so bad Seeing her so peaceful, lying down with her eyes closed, In her coffin. The construction site was a graveyard for her. It is there she learnt of the way dreams die away, casting doom over whoever had dreamt of them. And she lied forever buried underneath  Until one day I stumbled over that site, long forgotten in a distant memory. She looked ever so peaceful, in the place where she died. Oh! the irony. How could she? I feel angry  and I wanna run away with her, tucked in my arms. I want her to open her eyes and smile, to take a leap into the world And play one more time. I wanna take her away from this graveyard.